Friday, August 13, 2010

walking blues

I never thought that walking would be such a chore but it is for my little baby girl :( The poor thing walks a few feet and falls alot. We have noticed when she first starting to walk in her walker than one foot always went inward, but as she has been walking on her own the last 4 mths it hasn't improved. The pediatrician stated that this was common in twins since they are all scrunched up, and if things didnt improve by the 18mth appointment that she would refer us to a therapist/podiatrist to see if there is a need for correction. I hate having to wait, cause I see her struggle whether in shoes or barefooted, but I guess I'll let the professionals do their job for one more month but after that...Mama takes over!!! I have inquired about Early Intervention to see if they will want to see McKenna earlier than the ped is wanting. All I know I want things to be corrected either on it's own or with some therapy prior to her going to school. I just hope things work out cause the child just gets so frustrated when she falls, it's heartbreaking! My son on the other hand can walk with no problems in fact he is up and running now. So other than that things are pretty good.

My sweetie is doing his army duty now and has been gone for almost a week, I have to say this time around it's not as bad but I still miss him. As for juggling the twins on my own, it's been pretty interesting at times especially when they both meltdown, but overall we are doing good. The kids are even now wanting to go swimming at the neighbors pool, before they didnt want anything to do with it, now we have to watch them cause they want to just jump in. Tomorrow will be our Zoo day, I know the twins will be okay just hope the animals there at the zoo will survive. :)

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Connecting with Visitors (Spirits)

Now, I know maybe some of you are skeptical of connecting with those that have died but I have always believed if someone had some unfinished business they just couldnt leave till it was finished. My mother died when I was 15, she took her own life due to the mental illness taking over and also dealing with cancer at the time. Prior to her death she had always told me that she would try to find a way back to let me know things were okay with her once she passed. You see my mother had suffered a long time with bipolar so I grew up with her constantly trying to end her life. Though we tried as could to keep her happy the day came when she just couldnt take it any longer and decided upon herself that life would be easier for us without her; of course she was wrong! Anywho, jumping forward 26yrs later to the present where I am now a mother of twins, and how I miss her so much more now than ever.

Now comes the interesting part, my daughter and son have both been doing odd behaviors such as looking off in the space where there's nothing, they will interact as if someone was talkign to them. One day I watched my son, walk around talking and then putting his hand up as to grab another hand and laugh. I was sitting across the way so I know it wasnt me he was interacting with, he would laugh then would put his arm up to wave and smile looking off into thin air. My daughter has lately started to play around 830 pm, where she will stand up and laugh and laugh into the dark with nobody there. She doesnt mess up her bed, she just sits up and giggles and when I come to check on her she is staring off into blue, not looking at me but off into a distance then laughing. I will turn to see what it is but it's dark, there's nothing there to make her I leaned down and looked at her, she looks at me and smiles, then I ask her..."sister, you having fun with someone? you laughing with a friend?" even though she is only 16mos she looks at me and smiles then looks over my shoulder to nothing and laughs. I get a weird sensation that we are not the only ones in the room, it's not a scarey presence but definately something different in the air.

I sometimes will say to my kids when they start acting this way, to tell their visitor its time for bed and they can come back to play another time. I dont want to freak them out or make them feel weird, even though at 16mos what can they really understand...or do they understand? Perhaps, we dont give children enough credit...I was told that animals and children can sense things we as adults cannot, i guess it's because of their innocence that they can feel the prescence of another person or thing. I often laugh and think, perhaps my mother was right that she was able to find a way back but it took her this long to come back, or maybe the timing wasnt right bcasue she knew I wasnt ready to accept her prescence or the mere fact that I cannot feel her as my children do. I know sometimes in the morning, my son will be standing up in his crib looking out just talking away and gesturing, carrying on some conversation until he focuses back to me. I am just hoping whomever or whatever is visiting my kids are not harmful but are someone that loves them from the spirit world. I hope that perhaps it is my mother watching over the kids as they sleep, or wanting to play with them when I am not around so they can "see" her, or even if it's my husband's father whom passed away before the babies were born.

As for my mother, well she had gypsy blood in her and she believed in the "powers" of the unknown. Her grandmother, my great grandmother was a full blood gypsy, led the life of one till she came to America in the 1900's. I can remember her telling stories that my great grandmother had the "gift" and was very accurate in what she could see, perhaps it skips a generation..that I do not know, I just know my kids are interacting with someone that I or my husband cannot see. To really cap it all off, there was one day when I looked at my daughter (whom resembles my mother very much) and I looked into her eyes, and i asked; "McKenna, are you really grandma Shirley?" to which my daughter just got a big grin on her face and laughed, then blinked her eyes and laid her head on my shoulder....from that point on, I wondered if Mom found her way back into my life..or maybe it's just wishful thinking.


Monday, June 14, 2010

Summer School Blues

It has been so nice having a week and half off to relax and enjoy the peace and quiet. We are sending the twins to daycare though I have to say the agency that allows us to have free daycare might freak knowing I have been off for a week and half, but I figure I need a break from kids altogether! I mean I do feel a tad guilty getting something for free but hell how many people come into this country and get the red carpet treatment and I have to pay for things, I think I can have a break once in awhile. So, we've had them going to daycare cause we felt that if we stopped them from going it will be harder to for them to readjust and go back within 1 1/2 wks, not fair to them or to the babysitter; whom I might add is cool about things. I do feel guilty that I should be spending time with the kids, I mean this should be my bonding time with them but when you have twins, you need that break. Scott has been studying for his water treatment certification so the time he has away from the twins has given him the time to study which is what he needs to do. We spend a good quality time with them on the weekends and when we pick them up from day care, and I believe its good for them to learn how to be cared for by someone else as life as it is, Scott and I will have to work.

So, I start back at work in a few days and though I am grateful for the work, I am also dreading the heat and going back dealing with kids for 4hrs a day. I figure 4 wks I should be able to handle it and then I will have 3 wks off and then back to the regular grind again! I hope that things will begin to change soon for Scott, perhaps he can get his schooling under way and get his FASFA money in to help with bills, as unemployement will go down significantly come September. I sometimes long for the days when I was able to go spending on things that I wanted and not worry about anyone else, but those days are gone for a very long time; actually forever as you always put your kids in front of your needs first. I guess I am having the pre-summer time school blues, I just hope whomever i am teamed up with will not drop the ball and make me do all the work, I am tired of picking up for everyone else!!!

I am looking forward yet dreading our camping trip in July. It will be the first time we will have taken the twins out in God's country for a few days. I hope they dont damper the experience but enlighten us to new experiences. We got our new tent which is very nice, it's very big as it will sleep 8 people so we have plenty of room to move around with the kids. I dread the part of packing as we have so much to pack with two of them, I just hope it will be worth it and we will have new memories to place in our scrapbook that needs to be finished sometime soon :)

Well off to the gym I go, I am trying to lose the weight but it's been a battle since I have slipped so badly into past habits and I am not losing like I used I need to readjust my thinking about eating and get my butt off the couch. I need to lose at least 30lbs before Xmas...I am giving myself plenty of time to do it, I am sure I can accomplish it if I can lose at least 5lbs per month! Wish me luck!

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Praying they sleep for 2hrs

I never thought I would ever pray for children to nap for 2 hours, giving me the time to just sit down and read some emails or chat to a few friends. I used to think I knew what tired meant but boy was I wrong, today I know what tired means and it started the day the twins were born. This is my 3rd attempt to keep a blog and I am going to do my best to update at least once a week. Life thus far with twins has been interesting, we have gone from endless nights of waking up every 2 hrs to now sttn on most nights. My son Ricky has taken his first few steps alone the last couple of days, but then turns lazy when you want to try to get it on camera. McKenna is barely getting her teeth in, she is now got 2 teeth coming in at 14mths I hope she will get a full set of teeth by the time we take pictures in Kindergarten!

Time is flying by pretty quick now, being that it is June and we are preparing for our camping trip in July we are flying through 2010. Today, I have time to blog because the twins are down for the nap and I am alone with the kids since Scott is off doing Army Duty, boy I cannot wait till he is done with that nightmare! He is such a good help, I miss him when he is gone since my back seems go out everytme he goes away. I can say these kids are very lucky to have their dad, he is so involved with their lives and he gets in and lends a hand all the time. He is the best husband/father we can have and he is so missed when he does his weekend trips. I am dreading his two week drill cause it means me being with the kids by myself, not that it bothers me as I know what to do and stuff but that my back is so bad that I dread the pain I am in from doing the lifting and carrying. I just hope they are walking a bit so I dont have to pick up so much.

I guess with this time I have to reflect, I wish I wasnt in pain all the time, it reminds me of my mother whom was in pain all the time and her temper would flare as she was hurting...I hope I am not the same. It's funny how you can become your parents even though you do your best to be different, guess genetics sometimes takes over. I do my best and I hope the kids have fun with me just as they do when Daddy is around. We'll I guess I will end the blog right now as I need to think of things to blog to keep it interesting. But for now, this is my start....i think the kids are starting to wake least they made it, 2 hrs!!!